“Quick Tips to Snap Out of Momnesia”
My novel, “Momnesia,” is told from the humorous viewpoint of a woman who, struggling between her “momminess” and her “sexiness,” diagnoses herself with Momnesia and sets about finessing a new version of her old vivaciousness:
Momnesia (mahm-nee-zhuh) –noun-
Loss of the memory of who you used to be. Caused by pregnancy, play dates, and trying to keep the house cleaner than the Joneses.
Throughout the story, she strives to pursue some of her own interests and struggles with something many moms deal with in real life: Trying to be everything to everyone at all times, constantly setting aside her own needs in an attempt to create the “perfect life.”
Of course, as parents it is necessary to sometimes set aside our own needs, but, inspired by the character in my novel, many of us are learning that it’s not necessary—or healthy—to care for our families to the complete exclusion of our Selves. And so I share with you some tips that have been taken from the book, made up on my own, and told to me by other “recovering” Momnesiacs!
Quick Tips to Snap Out of Momnesia
· Banish guilt: Remind yourself of all you do for your family and don’t let yourself feel guilty when you do something for yourself.
· Employ small daily decadences: Sure it would be great to have a weekend getaway with your girlfriends, but who can sit and wait for that? Find little ways to be good to yourself on a daily basis, even if it’s as simple as lighting scented candles or using flavored creamer in your coffee.
· Stop “waiting” to feel sexy again: Face it, we’re not in high school anymore, and we’re never going to look and feel exactly like we did before kids. Instead, make the best of the You that you are right now.
· Wear your big girl clothes: Instead of saving them for some fictional day when you won’t have to worry about staining them.
· Make appointments: To get together with your girlfriends, your husband, or even just a nail appointment. Make childcare arrangements and keep the date just as you would a doctor appointment.
· Put on music you enjoy: It really is not necessary for the kids to have The Wiggles on every minute of every day and throughout every car ride. Just as you listen to their music, so can they listen to yours.
· Give up some control: Delegate some tasks to other people and deal with your perfectionism by asking yourself, “Which is worse?” (eg; Having to prepare every single solitary meal yourself? Or sometimes letting your husband do it, even if it means that the vegetable to carbohydrate ratio might not be as ideal?)
· Let your kids know that you’re human: The nature of children is that life is all about them, and it often doesn’t occur to them that you might be an actual person with your own interests, wants, and needs. Teach them that and you’ll find that they’ll be a lot more considerate of you as a person.
· Draw the line: Yes, you are entitled to pee without an audience, just as you should be able to shower without anyone pounding on the door, or having to jump out naked so you can braid a Barbie’s hair.
· Sometimes just say no: Repeat after me: “No, thank you. Mommy does not want to play Twister (again) right now. I’m spending some time relaxing.”
· Believe it yourself: Remind yourself that when you play the martyr game, no one wins. By taking care of yourself and your own interests, you’re teaching your children that you’re important too, and you’re likely to feel less exhausted, less resentful, and more energized to be a great mom during all that you still do with and for your family.
I hope you’ve enjoyed some of these tips and I’m willing to bet you can think of some of your own! Feel free to share them in the comments below… I look forward to hearing them!
Byline/Brief Author Bio:
Lori Verni-Fogarsi is the author of the hot new novel, "Momnesia." She has been a freelance writer, columnist, journalist, and seminar speaker for 15+ years, and has authored one nonfiction book, "Everything You Need to Know About House Training Puppies and Adult Dogs," which has been widely acclaimed in its genre. Lori is a happily married mom of two, step mom of two more, and has two cats, both rotten. She invites you to learn more at www.LoriTheAuthor.com and join her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/LoriTheAuthor