The official definition of Momnesia (as defined by me in my novel) is:
Momnesia (mahm-nee-zhuh) –noun-
Loss of the memory of who you used to be. Caused by pregnancy, play dates, and trying to keep the house cleaner than the Joneses.
Funny, right? I think so, but I also know that in reality, many of us “momnesiacs” can find ourselves truly unhappy when the symptoms of Momnesia become so severe that they take over our lives completely!
So, I’m here today to assist you in making your own personal “diagnosis” (or non-diagnosis). Take a look at the list below and see how many apply to you. I hope they make you laugh, think, feel understood, and incite you to do something about them! (See my previous guest post, “Quick Tips to Snap Out of Momnesia” on SAHM’s Crazy Life, too!)
You might have Momnesia if…
- You think all restaurants should have coloring pages!
- Your mascara hasn’t been used in so long, it’s too crusty to open!
- Showering seems like a special occasion!
- You haven’t seen a non-animated movie in recent memory!
- Eating while seated seems like a luxury!
- You say “I need to go pee pee” even when no children are around!
- You & your spouse call each other Mommy and Daddy even when no children are around!
- Your back gets sunburned every summer because you’re too busy sunscreening everyone else!
- You can’t remember the last time you listened to a song not sung by cartoon characters!
- You haven’t read a non-rhyming book in recent memory!
- The thought of “date-night” feels more exhausting than exciting!
- Even if you had free time, the best thing you can think of is to go food shopping without the kids!
- Even if you had free time, the best thing you can think of is to clean the house uninterrupted!
- When you hear “bubble bath,” you think “rubber duckie” instead of “candles!”
- When you hear the word “wine,” you think “whiiine!”
- You can’t think of anything to talk about that doesn’t involve parenting!
- A day at the beach holds not a moment’s promise of relaxation whatsoever!
- You find yourself watching Spongebob even when your kids aren’t around because you have no idea what else exists on TV!
- On the rare occasion that you do something for yourself, you feel too guilty to enjoy it!
- You go clothes shopping for yourself and end up only buying stuff for the kids!
- It seems ridiculous to imagine that you would even have time to read “Momnesia,” or any book without pictures!
- Heels are shoes you only wear to weddings and funerals!
- You wear your hair in a ponytail so often, it won’t lay right when you don’t!
- “Art” makes you think “craft” instead of “museum!”
- Your pocketbook is the size of a suitcase!
- There’s enough food in your car that you could potentially survive for a week!
- Someone is getting in your vehicle and you have to say, “Let me dig you a hole!”
- You don’t own any shirts without stains!
- Your family thinks your favorite activities are cooking, cleaning, and working!
- The PTA meeting is the most social night out you’ve had in months!
- There are children’s toys in your master bedroom!
- You think macaroni and cheese is an actual dinner for adults!
- There is no lipstick in your purse but there are crayons, Wet Ones, and Band-Aids!
- Your spouse asks if you want to play and you think, “Chutes and Ladders?”
- Your man wants to take you to The Melting Pot and all you can think of are the safety hazards of the boiling oil!
- The word “lingerie” makes you think, “I’ll wear the tee-shirt without the holes!”
- You can’t remember the last time you planned a trip that didn’t involve costumed characters!
- Someone asks what hobbies you enjoy and you draw a complete blank!
- A day at the park brings visions of digging sand out of someone’s mouth rather than strolling & smelling the flowers!
- You can’t imagine getting a manicure because you’d never have time to wait for it to dry!
- You don’t get pedicures because you prefer to keep your feet tough for stepping on Legos!
How did you do? Have you decided that you’re diagnosing yourself as a bonafide “momnesiac?” Or did it help you realize that you’ve already got pretty good balance going on? I look forward to hearing your comments!
Lori Verni-Fogarsi is the author of the hot new novel, "Momnesia." She has been a freelance writer, columnist, journalist, and seminar speaker for 15+ years, and has authored one nonfiction book, "Everything You Need to Know About House Training Puppies and Adult Dogs," which has been widely acclaimed in its genre. Lori is a happily married mom of two, step mom of two more, and has two cats, both rotten. She invites you to learn more at www.LoriTheAuthor.com and join her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/LoriTheAuthor